


Loss

by Shallowduck



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hurt, Love, M/M, Need, Pain, Panic, Sam and kevin if you squint hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shallowduck/pseuds/Shallowduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone asked me to write a story about Kevin & Sam and that's not a ship I am familiar with so this is a feble first attempt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loss

Sam collapsed on his bed, and scrubbed his fingers through his hair. They had all been fighting so long. They had been through monsters, demons, an apocalypse..hell, Dean had killed death just to end here. They had lost so many people they cared for, so many they had loved. 

The last hunt hadn't been particularly trying. It was just another day at the office really, but there had been two hunters there that had gotten Sam thinking. He was recalling all of the love they had lost to hunting. Jessica. Ellen and Jo. Ash. Dad. Bobby. Both Winchesters had lost each other a few times over. Castiel. Charlie. Kevin.

He made a mental list over and over. He found himself trying to remember the last time they were together. He was trying to remember the last time he'd seen each of them happy, smiling, laughing. Jessica had been happy just before he left, he thought. Ellen and Jo, he wasn't as sure....one night when they'd all been drinking and reminiscing maybe? Ash had deemed fairly happy when they saw him in heaven, so maybe he was doing OK now. John had smiled when he escaped from hell through the devils gate. Bobby was always hard to tell when he was happy, but Sam knew he'd been proud of him and his brother when he died. That was close. Charlie had been in good spirits before she'd started the Frankenstein hunt thay got her killed. To spite all her pain, and everything she had been through Charlie was almost always optimistic. He could barely remember the last time he, his brother, or Cas had been happy. He was sure it was months ago, and involved cheeseburgers and Netflix though. 

Sam began to panic. When was the last time he'd seen kevin smile? He couldn't remember. He'd missed so much time with him thanks to his brother, and a certain angel. Had he been happy at all while he was gone? What if he'd been happy while Sam was trapped in his body and he'd missed it? Or worse, what if he hadn't?

Sam found himself pacing the floors of the bunker. He was moving room to room racking his brain for a memory that might comvience him that what they did meant something more than loss and pain. He was in the library when he finally broke. His forced calm fell and his eyes brimmed with tears.

He couldn't find it in himself to let the tears come. He knew this was his fault and he didn't deserve to cry. He deserved the pain. He nearly screamed out as he suddenly flipped the table. Books went flying, and he couldn't be bothered to care.

Dean found Sam surrounded by a pile of destroyed books and funiture there in the library floor. He didn't say anything; he didn't need to. He knew his brothers pain. He felt it too. The men simply sat in silent, knowing pain for the remainder of the evening; before sleep called them away.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.


End file.
